Our vlogger spotlight reaches maximum WTF capacity with LilNiceWolf, who's like YouTube sweetheart Fred, but all grown-up and off his meds, living on a beach in Bananas-ville.

I think these vids still count as vlogging, just vlogging from another planet.

Luckily, NiceWolf really is very nice and helpfully translates his Martian sand dune ritual for us, highlighting key takeaway points in his vid's title using English words we all know and love:

Towel Oiled Tanned Body Massage xXx Sexy Lingerie Oops Slip Drop Robe Sand Olympics Doping Swim Soccer Football Cheer Massive Ovation Judge Decision Choice Rank Embarrass Sing Team School Leader Official Protest Uniform Runner Bronze

Now watch him get groped.

• link:// Anderson Cooper.org

It's a Quote-Off! Who provides better Internutty, only-on-YouTube quotes about raccoons in Brooklyn? Let's find out:

Tourists that manage to capture a garbage-eating raccoon on film, pilfering through refuse in broad daylight in front of "a dump of a motel" in Brooklyn?

• Woman 1: "He looks like he's half-dog, half-raccoon. He doesn't look like the normal raccoons." (Um, yes he does.)
  
• Woman 2: "No, he looks totally raccoon!" (You tell 'em, Grandma!) "He's so fearless!" (He is?)
• Woman 1: "I'm not going near him (Why would you?)...he's eating, like...um...M&M's." (Well, probably because he's one of those half-dog, half-raccoons that exclusively eat candy garbage. Doi!)

Brooklynites who capture a cat vs. raccoon fight in their very own backyard?

• Man 1: "You see the eyes?"
• Woman: "Get him! ...Oh my God!" (Carmela?)
• Man 2: "Just when you thought it was over..." (...Tony?) Watch the raccoons up there!"
• Man 1: "WATCH THE RACCOONS!"

Nice try, gambinos, but this round has to go to the lady who was convinced she was witnessing a dog-raccoon hybrid eating candy. You just can't make that stuff up.

Summer's almost over but that doesn't mean you have to put away the popsicles just yet. In fact, why not go a little D.I.Y. and make your own, but instead of sugary grape juice, how about using real live ingredients?

Sure, the folks at People's Popsicle blog could arguably come off mildly pretentious producing flavors like Sugar Plum & Mint and Blueberry & Cardamon (what even is cardamon? ...oh), but heck, they look good. And given the popularity of fresh, organic ingredients, you can be sure that a popsicle from these folks is never packed with things that sound more appropriate in a biology lab.

Of course, we're only game if we end up with a juice mustache. Otherwise, what's the fun of a popsicle?

• link:// People's Popsicle
• via:// Daily Candy

Fill your photo gallery with a flock of ducks 'cuz your vanity shots suck.

Thanks to B-more DJ Mark Brown for the flight of fancy.

• link:// Mark Brown's MySpace

Mental health professionals used to agree that only a twisted psychopath would dream of putting a kitten in harm's way. This was, of course, before the internet made it impossible to go about your daily life without being constantly bombarded by cuteness in all directions. It's enough to make the anonymous Satan-worshipper behind Kittens I've Killed add shotgun sound effects to a slideshow of adorable napping kittens (ie. might want to turn down your speakers before clicking), giving voice to our darkest, most deeply repressed feelings of kitten envy. Turns out it's devilishly fun. Boom, next Cat Ladies.

Like hairy men? Then maybe you like werewolves, too. I'm assuming that's where the fetish comes from. Really, I'm just trying to understand self-professed "sexy girl" Sonia, who along with uploading a naughty gif of herself saying "apple juice" on her MySpace, has also posted a ho-hum pic of werewolves (below) with the quote,

As Some Of Yall May Already Know I Have A Werewolf Fetish, Eh I Am Freaky Like That

Eh ... that pic is, like, tepid sexy, Sonia. I'll give you points for finding a werewolf with a smart jean vest. Unfortunately, his exposed abdomen looks weirdly malformed and perhaps best suited for a sarcophagus. Lucky for you, I've found a very sexy pic of a werewolf from soft-core animal enthusiast Chuff (NSFW -- penis!).
That werewolf could get me to buy underwear. The sexy werewolf below has all the right moves:

Sonia, you're welcome.