- 3.15.11 - 3:30PM
- - by
- Cole Stryker
22 Examples of Etsy Child Abuse
Last week I posted a gallery of sad Etsy boyfriends. This week, I turn my attention to moms who force their kids to model embarrassing outfits, sometimes to the point of near tears.
Come on, mom. Just get a mannequin.
"Yeah that photographer was gonna charge me for another hour and Conner was all out of smiles, so..."
"Cry when mommy's finished, Tyler."
Why is that bow so big? He looks more like Sailor Moon than Dracula.
"I always wanted a tattoo but instead I had a baby."
"Just hold still for five more seconds and then you can go play your Nintendo tapes."
"Remember what we talked about Alisha. You're a happy stegosaurus."
"Suzie, if you don't give me a little more sparkle in that smile, the terrorists will win."
"No, that never occurred to me. Get your mind out of the gutter, honey."
Inappropriate? Oh, come on. It's the 90s. Lighten up, guys.
Teach your kids about fire safety after they burn down the kitchen. Two birds.
I think I saw this photo at a crime scene on the second season of Law & Order: SVU.
Right before she chucked that phone across the room.
L'Enfant by Christian Audigier.
"I know you're tired, sweetheart, but mommy's memory card is almost full and you look like a sad cow. I mean puppy. What are you again?"
"Oh you didn't think we could get more 'merican? Try this camo corset on for size."
This looks like some awful art student's subversive, incendiary response to that Abu Ghraib torture photo.
Etsy Pro Tip: If your model starts to cry, just Photoshop a pacifier over their screeching mouth.
"I think you're overreacting Kadyn. Why would anyone make fun of a boy who loves his mother?"
If you want your baby to look like a riverboat gambler's third ex-wife, we've got you covered.
"Mooom, can I try something a little less, flaming?"
"There. That's better."
Think happy thoughts, Tink.
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