- 2.01.11 - 11:00AM
- - by
- Will Zweigart
Urlesque Interview: CashCats.biz Founder Shares Secrets to Feline Wealth
Why is America still fighting its way out of a recession? Because cats are hoarding all of the cash. Why is unemployment so high? Because cats refuse to eat dry food ever again. It's cool though, because a new Tumblr site called CashCats.biz provides a front seat to the high life we previously enjoyed. I recently sat down with the site's founder, Me (not pictured above), to learn more about America's newest class of power players and aristocats.
Why did you start cashcats.biz?
I felt like HNWF (high net worth felines) needed a 'VIP room on the internet' to get away from all the biters. My vision was a premium '.biz' website where ridiculously wealthy cats could swag hard, without feeling insensitive to poor cats on the Sarah McLachlan commercial.
How would you describe the cats featured on the site?
There's actually a pretty wide variety in terms of personality and type of wealth. You have old money, young money, hood rich, international playas and the really eccentric ones who 'h8 cash.' But all of them understand the value of a really long Wednesday afternoon nap on a huge pile of crispy bills.
What type of portfolio management strategies do these cats employ to maintain financial stability in such a tough economic environment?
Assuming the average indoor cat has a lifespan of around 15-18 years, you gotta be on the hustle from day one. Success requires a very high-risk, aggressive approach to capital acquisition - Fugazi (below) manufactures and distributes methamphetamines, for example. Another cat refinanced his owner's home to buy credit default swaps on subprime mortage-backed synthetic CDOs just before the housing crash.
I noticed several of the cats have firearms in their profile pictures.
Any advice for aspiring cats who hope to be featured and 'go viral?'
CashCats.biz is definitely THE hot spot for ridiculously wealthy cats to watch in 2k11, but you'll really need to step up your game to make the front page. This is a lifestyle website. It's not just about how much cash you have - it's how you roll (in it).
Now that the website is a super viral smash hit, what's next for you?
I'm partnering with Karl Lagerfeld on a new line of belted sweater vests for kittens called Purrberry®. They'll be 98% poor cat hair and 2% bonito flakes/rib meat.
Awesome, thanks for your time. Really great interview.
Thanks - I was just going to say that I thought you did a really great job interviewing me.
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