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cardiokeOne night, I dreamed that Billy Blanks -- of Tae Bo fame -- had a kid named Billy Blanks Jr. who grew up to kick Pop's fitness fad up a notch by creating Cardioke, a high-impact cardio workout during which requires one to sing along to sped-up tracks while s/he keeps the heart racing. In my dream, the video was shot on what closely resembled like Sally Jessy Raphael's set from the early nineties, just without the couches.

And, because it was my dream, Blanks led a group through a workout set to The Pussycat Dolls's "Don't Cha," and the middle-aged moms wore sparkly athletic tops and ankle-length leggings while huffing, "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?" and looking super-confused, wearing expressions that said, Hey, what's going on, and why am I relegated to the side? I can barely see Billy Jr. and these lights are so bright and...okay, oh yeah, yup, I'm gonna have a heart attack. Yup, I smell toast. Definitely smelling toast. Do I tell Billy Jr.? I don't want to get him in trouble, but I'm probably...no, I'm definitely gonna faint and I'm going into cardiac arrest, I think. Just keep dancing, Norma, just keep dancing! Dance through this! Remember, you're walking out of here with $25!

Then I woke up. And the internet was like, Bless you, child (see after the jump).





Also, I took a picture of my favorite moment in the dream: