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This November is the annual National Novel Writing Month, an annual festival of ambition that has resulted in the bestseller Water for Elephants and many, many query letters to literary agents (who beg you to please edit).

NaNoWriMo, as its organizers have dubbed it, takes place on its user's computers, both in Microsoft Word files and on the message boards, where writers share ideas, ask for guidance and support, and just banter.

Keeping in mind that most of these novels, sadly, won't see publication (though some are not that sad about it!), we've sorted through and dredged up the most promising (or "promising") instances of writing from this past month.

Think of this as the Regretsy of NaNoWriMo.

Best Research Question

In the post "Properties of Brass," user "spocking" writes: "The villain in my story has gotten a hold of a brass vessel that was created in the time of King Solomon aka a long time ago in a galaxy far far away" – a vessel that holds 72 demons. If the vessel is dropped, spocking wonders, "is there enough pressure from the demons, or is the vessel weak enough from it being a bazillion years old, or is the concrete able to cause the vessel to break or shatter even?" Spocking, the best part of writing is that you get to make it up! (Commenters reply that the vessel is probably bronze and would likely split.)


Best Trick to Get to a 50,000 Word, Unreadable Novel

"Luke Laupheimer" posts a paragraph with 169 (one hundred and sixty nine?) words added by spelling out long numbers. A sample: "He spent two hundred and fifty pounds on a haircut, bringing him down to one thousand, four hundred and twenty pounds, and finally two hundred pounds on his hotel room, bringing his miniature fortune down to one thousand, two hundred and twenty pounds." Luke, let's start National Math Textbook Writing Month in December!


Best Title Suggestions

Leaving aside "The Color Purple" from a user who wasn't aware that title was taken by Alice Walker, "Hallie Warren"'s suggestions "My Monkey, My Husband" and "Pretty Sure He's Dead" would make great novels, though they're only hypothetical suggestions she's throwing out.


Best Answer to the Question "Name for a phyco (sic) uncle"

Crazy Greg. (Runner-up: Monty.)


Best Font We've Never Heard Of

Fonts tend to take on a personality for writers on these forums. "Book Antiqua. It just... fits," says one. And plenty of apparently keen-eyed writers downsize from the default, using "8pt Verdana," "Calibri at size 9-10," and the like. But one writer, "Arynn," has fully removed herself from the font hegemony, using "Catholic School Girls 12." It's not prurient as it sounds – just scribbly. "Don't judge, it has so seriously been helping me with writing in first person." Not judging, just confused!


Best Nit, Picked

"Makahakat" is writing a teen novel about a "completely secular society" without "moral rules for/against pre-marital sex." While Makahakat isn't sure if she should avoid discussion of premarital sex altogether, she wonders, too, "how much is too much to write physically? Only small kisses? Longer kisses okay? Talking about actually wanting to, even if they make the decision to not?" Shockingly, no one brings up Twilight, but "Bellona.Rose" advocates a third way: "you could always have it like a cut scene... the MMC and a female go itno a room, the door closing behind them. some time later, he comes out, sweating, hot and with a glow."


Best and Most Expected Soundtrack Choice

A discussion of the music from The Sims in the "NaNo Soundtracks" forum begins to spiral out of control. It starts cute! "It brought me back to the countless days I spent building virtual houses in my youth." Then, like everything else online, it spirals out of control. "This topic makes me smile so much. I've been using Sims music to pump out my words since Day 1. =) Sims 2 theme in particular, but I'm also a huge fan of 'Onta Da Lupa', 'Wa Gack', and 'Ishneticht'." Go back to your novel! Use your words!


Best Proof Positive That NaNoWriMo Will Produce the Next Woolf

"Guys, I need your help! I use the word p**** a lot and I am in dire need of some more synonyms. The main problem I'm having though is that I'm trying really hard to avoid all the vulga ones. I can think of plenty of words for it but every single one makes me cringe." (Suggestions provided include "nether-mouth" and "button.")


Most Tangential Set of Responses

"Saber Rattler" asked for things a person with a crush would do, like "writing their name down a lot." Responses included "Work out an inconspicuous way to take her picture," "Masturbate in the bathroom," and "Name a stuffed animal after him and spend hours pretending to have a conversation." Madness – the occupational hazard of crowd-sourcing a novel online!