harvey westmorelandIt's been almost two years, but Kentucky's own Harvey Westmoreland has nearly grown back his entire beard, long, full and brittle, just how the way he likes it. But unlike some of us who prefer to keep a fuzzy face (::wildly raises hand::), we don't all have to taste our own facial hair, which Harvey, indeed, did during a fight about a lawnmower.

When Harvey and his brother, Joe, found themseleves in a disagreement with drunken ex-friends James Hill and Troy Holt about, again, a lawnmower, things got ugly. There doesn't seem to be any particular reason for the fight to have broken out, but in Harvey's words, "before we knowed it [sic], there was knives and guns." And you don't put up a fight about a lawnmover when two drunks are wielding weapons. Especially two d*ckheads who chucked off poor Harvey's beard and made him eat it. Whole. Gross. Weird.

Hill and Holt remain unsentenced, but we're hoping they're prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, and forced to eat wigs. If we're talking real justice, these dudes need to be chowing down on, like, millions of wigs. Curly wigs. With planted dandruff. Stupid jerks.