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DIY: The ethos of Etsy.
DIY, because other people suck at everything: The ethos of Regretsy.

With an eye for the hideous, April Winchell's popular blog Regretsy highlights some of the most pathetic and horrendously overpriced items to grace Etsy's virtual storefront. But some of the products aren't so terrible, they're just misguided! In this step-by-step guide, I'm going to teach you how to make much cheaper (and dare I say much less crappy) versions of three Regretsy items.

1. Sexy Men's Novelty Underwear

It isn't hard to see the appeal of owning googly-eyed men's panties, but this Etsy pair just doesn't have any character. We're going to put together a boy brief with its own unique personality -- because if you're going to spend time crafting something as ridiculous as this thing, you might as well make it special, damn it.

What you'll need: women's panties, tights, googly eyes, glue, scissors, accoutrement of your choosing.

1. Trace a circle on the middle of the panties and cut that sucker out.
2. Snip off one end of your stockings. I'm aspirational, so I went with a super long piece.
3. Flip the panties inside out and glue the stocking to the undies.

4. Glue on your googly eyes.
5. Add any other facial features you think your little guy might need. I have a mustache fetish so I went with a touch of Burt Reynolds.


2. Feathered Headband




I approached the headband from the perspective that if you're going to pay $30 for a headband, you'd better be able to wear it out more places than the yearly toga festival or Diddy's White Party. We're going to create a hair accessory with interchangeable feathers to ensure you get your (not very much) money's worth.























What you'll need: A headband, a bag of feathers, tiny rubber bands.

1. Mix and match bundles of feathers by color.
2. Glue the bundles together.

3. Wrap one of your rubber bands around the headband so it fits snugly.
4. Push a bundle of feather through the loop so it's attached to the headband.

5. Change up the feathers according to your outfit/mood ring/whatever color-based protest is going on that day. (But be sure to keep your expression exactly the same.)


3. Fitted Garbage Bag Pants


It's fashion doctrine that every woman should own a little black dress and every man should own a pair of little black garbage bag pants. The mistake with these trash trousers is that they're just not tailored at all. We're going to make a pair of custom garbage bag pants that will fit like a glove -- a filthy, toxic, garbage collector's glove.
What you'll need: Garbage bag, grease pencil, scissors, packing tape, jeans.

1. Lay a pair of jeans on the garbage bag and trace around them. You might want to go with a slightly baggier pattern. These are actually the least tight pants I own because I am very hip, so I made my outline a bit wider than the jeans.


2. Cut out your pattern. Remember to scissor through both sides of the bag at once.

3. Once you've got your legs cut, tape the two halves together with clear packing tape. Don't tape the crotch/waist region yet -- you may have to adjust.


4. Try the pants on and adjust accordingly, snipping in tighter where you've made the fit too loose.


5. Clean your mirror, ya bum. Owning pants made out of trash bags is no excuse to keep a messy home!

And there you have it: A complete Regretsy outfit -- pants, undies, headband and all. Cheaper, better, and without sacrificing more than an ounce or two of dignity.