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9.04.10

By aliciaarol

Neutral

Chad isn't a SAINT! How do you know the man would never intentionally FK with somebody very naive & gullible like I am just for kicks? The answer is that you don't! I have TRUTH on my side. Nickelback was not on tour on either of those 2 WEIRD nights I experienced at Spotlight Bar. If anybody tries to either arrest me for being a STALKER or have me committed for speaking the TRUTH, everything will come out in the open. I don't want to be either arrested or committed, & I shouldn't have to go through either of those experiences for simply speaking my mind about Chad Kroeger & Nickelback out in cyberspace.

9.04.10

By aliciaarol

Neutral

I don't talk (out on my videos & out in my channel comments) about what my ex did to me because I want REVENGE on him. The only way for people to understand what happened in regards to me & Chad Kroeger (NICKELBACK) is for people to understand what my ex did to me shortly before (like only a few months before) my "Chad Kroeger fantasy" began alleviating some of the severe depression I was immersed in on a daily basis. I'm sure that if I had pressed charges, my ex would have spent at least some time in jail. I didn't want to ruin his life. I couldn't bring myself to do what 2 male WITNESSES were "screaming" at me to do, but look at Rhianna? She could have had Chris Brown (who beat her up BADLY) arrested, & she didn't do it. I didn't DESERVE to be treated the way my ex treated me. He NEVER SINCERELY apologized to me. It wasn't the UNINTENTIONAL shoving that made me want to DIE-It was the BETRAYAL. It was the fact that he actually didn't care if I was lying on that pavement & either severely hurt or dead (either of which could have been the case). I probably should go talk to a shrink about this, but I can't talk to a shrink about this without ALSO being able to talk about what happened with these Nickelback men who fucked with my mind & emotions shortly after my ex did the unthinkable to me. SEE? I don't want Chad Kroeger. I don't like the man. I wouldn't touch him if he was the last man on earth, but I DESERVE answers from him & his band. I DESERVE to have my name cleared (in the eyes of my friends, family, & strangers) of being a Stalker. I DESERVE to know for what SICK reason anybody in that band would lead me on the way SOMEBODY in Nickelback (even if not Chad himself) did? I have TRUTH on my side. Even if a million people think that I'm lying about all of this, I know that I'm not. Nickelback knew that I was thinking that Chad Kroeger knew of me from "Alicia's World". Nickelback knew that I was thinking that Chad Kroeger might be infatuate with me. Nickelback knew that I was seriously thinking that Chad might have written Dark Horse for me (that Chad might have "kept tabs" on me all these years). I didn't really think that Chad was in love with me, but I certainly thought that he might want to get to know me better? I even sent letters to Nickelback (via myspace) to try to turn Chad off-to tell him that I wasn't the kind of woman he would want to be with. Everything I wrote to Nickelback (via myspace) & to Chad (via facebook when I much later discovered Chad's facebook page) was deep. I didn't ever write things like, "Oh I love you so much". I warned the man to stay away from me. I told him about what my ex had done to me. I wrote anything & everything to Nickelback myspace without ever knowing if ANYBODY was reading any of my letters? This was all harmless. I fantasized about Chad Kroeger. I listened to songs that I'd never heard before since only a small percentage of Nickelback's songs ever played on the only radio station I used to ever listen to: Star 98.7. I was never much into youtube before I started fantasizing about Chad Kroeger. After I bought Dark Horse & was startled by the "uncanny" resemblance to certain songs (like "Something In Your Mouth") & me, I eventually bought & listened to all of Nickelback's CDS. I LOVED all the songs. These were the first CDS & the first CD player I'd ever purchased in my life. I started watching Nickelback youtube videos as well. This was all harmless. I even went to a Nickelback concert, so I could experience what that was like? I thought that maybe if I made such a grand gesture of faith (ie flying to MN to see a Nickelback concert when I had very little money) Chad would introduce himself to me. It didn't happen, but I did enjoy the concert tremendously. (I went to the concert in April 2009.) In May of 2009, I had a flight back to Ma to visit my mom. I knew that Nickelback was on break from touring. I was fed up with not knowing what any of this was about, so I told Nickelback that I was intending to sleep with my good friend & prior lover Doug once I got back to Ma where I had been born & raised. I figured that if Chad Kroeger had written Dark Horse for me, he certainly would not want to see me end my year long celibacy with another man rather than with him. I basically was "calling his bluff". I never thought in a million years that ANYBODY would show up at Spotlight Bar the night I said I would be there. I practically peed my pants when I walked into that bar & a man who looked exactly like Daniel from Nickelback sat down next to me & said such a weird thing to me as, "So you like Vampires"? He didn't phrase this as a question. He didn't ask me if I liked vampires? He said it as a matter of fact statement-like "So you like vampires, HMM? I was drunk. I replied, "How do you know I like vampires"? Then I went on to explain that I only liked good vampires. See how I was 100% manipulated by these men? I had written to Nickelback (via myspace) & told them all about how I liked vampires. I had written to Nickelback (via myspace) & told them that if I didn't get some kind of concrete sign that Chad Kroeger knew who I was I was gonna see if my good friend Doug wanted to "hook up" with me? I was leaving for Ma very soon. After I DID get soch solid proof that this band knew who I was (& had read the letters I sent to them) I never stopped (for 10 whole months) believing that when Chad Kroeger felt ready he would make his presense known to me. I couldn't believe any of this? It was like something right out of a movie. It never crossed my mind that these CELEBRITIES were INTENTIONALLY tricking me into thinking that chad Kroeger liked or perhaps even LOVED me. Why would I ever think that Celebrities would want to hurt a nobody like me like that? I NEVER saw the PAIN coming. For 10 whole months, my belief that Chad would SOMEDAY "Come For Me" (when he felt ready to do so) never once wavered. In Feb 2010 (I believe) was when I FINALLY gave up. I had written hundreds of letters to Nickelback (via myspace) & Chad Kroeger (via facebook). I didn't know if the band was reading any of my letters, but I DID know that somebody from the band had read the first letters I had sent to them. SEE? See how those men intentionally MANIPULATED me for no Gd reason? When I finally gave up on Chad Kroeger, I believed that my letters to him had simply turned him off. I continued to write to him, because nobody ever blocked me from writing. I wrote & said things like, "I don't understand any of this"? Why did Daniel ever approach me (ie acknowledge my existence & cement in my brain that you liked me) if you were never gonna come & introduce yourself to me? I NEVER knew that Chad had a girlfriend. It wasn't something I would automatically know. I watched Nickelvack youtube videos. I visited Nickelback myspace page. No mention of Chad having a girlfriend ever came up. We don't have cable. CheekySuper told me that Chad appeared on VH1 with Kristin Adams, but that's not something I would have ever known about. Not too long ago, I decided to go out on Who's Who. That's when I found out that Chad had a girlfriend. I was shocked. I thought to myself, "What the Fk"? Why did these celebrities ever mess with me in the first place? At this point I didn't know how long Chad had been with Kristin. Somebody had merely posted a short comment about seeing them together. I had made some private youtube videos BEFORE I found out about Kristin Adams. I figured that if Chad was "spying" on me somehow (something he could easily do because he has so much money to pay off people) he would see those videos where I tell him that I don't understand why Nickelback messed with me to begin with? When I found out about Chad having a girlfriend I wanted to know more. I began digging out in cyberspace. That's when I found out that this woman had been living with Chad (that Chad's maid had stolen her clothes or something). I couldn't believe any of this? What was those Celebrities problems that they would lead me on like that only so I could later find out that I had been believing a LIE for all those months? It was so CRUEL of those CELEBRITIES to do that to me. I then inquired about Kristin Adams out on answers.com & got the shock of my life. Chad Kroeger had been with Kristin Adams practically the entire time I had been naively sending letter after letter to that band (since nobody had ever blocked me from doing so) & believing in GD Fairy Tales! This was when I completely broke down. I had at first thought that Chad Kroeger might have only recently started seeing this woman (like after I had already told him that I'd given up on him). Why would these CELEBRITIES who have everything want to do something so heartlessly CRUEL to me a woman who has nothing? Why didn't they just stay the fk away from me & my personal reality in the first place? Why FALSELY lead me to believe that Chad Kroeger liked me only so I could later find out that the whole time I was believing that he liked me, he was sharing his life, heart, & bed with somebody else? See how COLD & CRUEL that was? Chad OBVIOUSLY never gave one flying FK about me. Why would that band want me to believe otherwise? How could the HUMAN BEING who wrote a song like "Savin Me' be that UNFATHOMABLY cruel towards a stranger? Whether or not you wrote some songs for or about me based on what you knew about me from my ECTV channel I had 9 years ago, & on things I later did out in cyberspace, if you don't give a flying fk about me DON'T DO THINGS THAT MAKE ME BELIEVE OTHERWISE! If you actually don't care about me, I don't need to start thinking that you do care even if you DID use me & my life as your INSPIRATION for some of your songs. That's pretty cut & dry, hna? That's not "Rocket Science". Continue making millions upon millions of dollars off of songs you wrote about me & my life & just leave me alone! I was very angry when I found out (about 1 month ago) how badly I'd been "played" by these Celebrities. That's why I released to the world my PRIVATE videos, started Spamming Nickelback videos, & started writing things about Nickelback & Chad Kroeger in my channel comments. I was already in PAIN! My ex had already made me feel like a piece of sht on the bottom of his shoe! The LAST thing that I needed was to be INTENTIONALLY led to believe that this Rock Star wanted me when it wasn't fking true! But now it's not about Chad wanting me (which he obviously doesn't). It's about that band coming forward, doing the right thing, behaving like DECENT human beings rather than like UNFEELING things, & clearing my name of all Stalker charges! I wasn't alone at that bar. If ANYBODY in that band tries to sue me for SLANDER, the TRUTH will come out! I can't believe these CELEBRITIES would treat me like this (just let most people believe I made this entire story up for publicity). I wish with all my mind, heart, & SOUL that I had never, ever, ever heard of Nickelback or Chad Kroeger. I wish I had NEVER discovered "Animals" on Spotlight's digital jukebox. That song by Nickelback PIQUED my curiousity. I started wondering what other songs Nickelback might have out there that I'd never heard of? I went to Best Buy, & decided to buy Nickelback's latest CD Dark Horse (rather than to buy the CD Animals was on). The rest (as they say) was history... (I was ALREADY in too much PAIN, & along came men blessed with everything imaginable to make my pain a million times worse. This life just NEVER thinks that I've been HURT enough. Even Celebrities had to "get in on the act" of HURTING me for no GD reason at all. Chad Kroeger has no conscience or SOUL to speak of or he would step forward & tell both the world & me the truth.) You people wonder why I said that I'd gone mad? It would drive any of you crazy to be "played" this badly by men who have everything & should have stayed the fk away from you! It would drive any of you crazy to not know why these CELEBRITIES did what they did to you in the first place? I'm so fed up with being treated like WORTHLESS SHT by too many people (in my family & outside of my family). You can't even imagine it (& you people wonder why I seriously just want to give up)?

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9.04.10

By Rosahlyn

Neutral

Well I don't know what so say Lora, i am gobsmacked.
I will say nothing more to you as a flame war isn't necessary.
I honestly don't know what to say to your final message. It took some reading!
I think though if these rags didn't keep taking the p*ss out of you then people wouldn't. It's like adding fuel to the fire. I reckon if you say nothing and don't bite the bait, what can they do or say.
It's not nice, it's cruel, kicking someone when they are down and I admit to some bullying and I'm sorry.
If the ex you are staying with is who was violent to you, please get help by going to a shelter- I'm not sure if this is making sense as on my iPod I can't see what I've typed when the message is more than a few lines.
Best forget about NB as they are saying nothing. Hold your head high, put it in the past andmove on. If you end up with a low paid job, so be it- you can still write your poetry and you won't feel abused at the end of the day by men interested in one thing.
All the best
Lyn

9.04.10

By Rosahlyn

Neutral

PS having a hot body isn't everything. You're not exactly obese are you? Just stay generally healthy and I'll bet that when u move on from this you'll find someone.
I'm not skinny, I'm an English size 18 jeans and 22 top but I don't know US sizes as they aren't the same.
My hubby loves my "love handles" and I'm comfortable in my body so I'm confident. Maybe you need confidence in yours cos u look a lot skinnier than me.

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9.04.10

By aliciaarol

Neutral

Thank you, Rosahlyn. I'm NOT a danger to Chad. I'm just HURT & BEWILDERED by all of this. Something happened to me. Somebody fkd with me. If Nobody ever tells me the truth about what happened, there isn't anything I can do about it (except for be very, very sad). I don't really want to do amateur porn. I'm just 100% LOST that's all. I'm GRATEFUL for my GD Pug Dog. My ex was my whole world. For months after what he did to me, I couldn't stop crying. I'd NEVER felt so worthless in my life. He did the unthinkable to me after already frequently putting me down throughout my relationship with him (especially when I started gaining weight, & he wasn't much attracted to me anymore, EVEN THOUGH HE GAINED AN EQUAL AMOUNT OF WEIGHT, AND I WAS STILL JUST AS ATTRACTED TO HIM). I am afraid of him-afraid of what will happen if he finds out what I've been doing out here. Today I am DELETING all evidence from this PC (stuff I had saved in NOTEPAD). I'm copying & pasting EVERYTHING to my hotmail & sending it to myself, so I can later copy it all to disk. I copy & pasted onto NOTEPAD EVERYTHING that's in the comment section on both my youtube channels. Now I need to get rid of all evidence. I hope my ex doesn't somehow "catch wind" of this cyberspace stuff I've been doing? I pray that nobody tells him about URLESQUE & The New York Times. I don't hate the man. I didn't have him arrested, but I REFUSE to pretend that any part of my life (good or bad) simply did not happen (especially TRAUMATIC things that caused SEVERE DEPRESSION in me). You are LUCKY (beyond lucky) to have a man in your life who loves you so much & accepts you for who you are. I have been so hurt by men & people in general (practically since I was born) that I know for certain now that I lack the ability to even fall in love & will not be able to get emotionally close to or trust a man again. This might sound sad (especially to me), but I know that (sad or not) it's TRUE.

You take care as well!

Feel free to PRAY for me, because I'm gonna need all the help I can get.


Lora


9.04.10

By Rosahlyn

Neutral

I've sent you a msg on YT.
Make today (or whatever day/ time it is where you are) a new beginning.
Delete stuff, save it on memory sticks, set vids to private. Don't retaliate to ppl who mock you.
Start to feel comfortable in your own skin, no need for a gym.... Walking the dog, swimming (I wear a tankini to cover my belly)
You will fond peace in a new you. Is there a library nearby where you can write poetry or even display some? You may find a likeminded soul without knowing it.
Anyway, email me pls

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9.05.10

By aliciaarol

Neutral

People like you are why I will NEVER regret (even if some idiot ARRESTS me for Stalking Chad Kroeger) what I did out here in cyberspace, Rosahlyn. You started off as my ENEMY & became my friend (& you aren't the only one who did that). I WILL NOT set any of my videos to private, but I also WILL NOT be looking at any comments people make on either my videos (like I've done all along) or the comments I posted on Nickelback videos (like I have frequently looked at & broken down as a result). It HURTS me too much to look at those comments. It's like opening up a "Pandora's Box". It gets me into a rut where I spend all day (like I did this past Wednesday) reading those MOSTLY NEGATIVE comments out on Nickelback videos, replying back, & continuously trembling & crying... I don't want to do that ever again! Let people say whatever bad things they want about me! At least I'll never know! I want to eventually lose all my excess weight FOR ME (not for anybody else). It's something that I can do without either having any money or first needing anybody's approval. I've done it before, so it's a CHALLENGE to me to try to do it again. I actually LOVE to exercise, Rosahlyn (unlike a lot of people). LOL

Lora

P.S. If you EVER hear even an inkling about who INTENTIONALLY messed with me & why, please let me know (even if you hear the smallest of things months from now)? People talk, so maybe SOMEDAY something will eventually leak out from somebody's mouth, & MY FKING NAME WILL BE CLEARED OF ALL LIAR, CRAZY, DELUSIONAL, STALKER CHARGES! I can only pray, right?
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