There are a number of ways to market a Japanese amusement park, but here's one approach that will make sure everyone stays home and has nightmares: Paint two fat dudes' stomachs to look like the faces of '80s Lionel Richie and David Lee Roth.

Oh what's that, you want double nightmares? Put bushy frizz wigs on their chests, then instruct them to frolic together and gawk at young girls.

Go early, the lines are gonna be huge.