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He was sick of it. He'd been dragging ass to every mall, barbecue and car dealership in the area, shaking limp hands and performing the same schtick: "I'm Chris Young, Democratic candidate for mayor of Providence. I'm against inequality, badness and things that are unfair, blah, blah."

A week earlier, he'd put on his fancy British accent (the "Hello I'm Chris Young's campaign manager" voice) and booked himself an appearance on The Rhode Show on Fox. Only now, the mere prospect of uttering political buzzwords exhausted him; it practically mocked him for ever having let go of his real dream.

He took his high blood pressure medicine, slouched on the futon, gazed at his poster of Meat Loaf and hatched a plan.