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Amazon has enabled us to buy more useful stuff online than anyone ever fathomed was possible, but of course there are some bizarre items in the woodwork. Leave it to the rest of the internet to do the finding. Thanks to pranksters with time on their hands and irony in their hearts, we get to enjoy their hilarious reviews of all things impractical, sublime and ridiculous. And with that, we bring you a guide to some of the greatest review pranks Amazon has ever seen.

Three Wolf Moon T-shirt

Three Wolf Moon shirt with reviews
We'll start with the best-known Amazon review prank, the almighty and endlessly entertaining Three Wolf Moon T-shirt. As legend (or Wikipedia) has it, the comment storm began with Rutgers law student Brian Govern in November 2008. Despite not physically owning the T-shirt, he was keenly, almost cosmically aware of its magic. Quoth he:
Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.
Others who had Experienced The Shirt began to weigh in with empirical findings of its powers en masse: It strengthens feeble bones, it sways your odds in the lottery, it sexifies Dungeons & Dragons players (as if they needed it.) After 1,655 reviews and a mega-spike in sales, the most popular sentiment remains, as reviewer Jake "The Wolfman" Sanchez wrote, "The more wolves, the better."



Tuscan Whole Milk

The absurdity of buying a $3.99 gallon of milk on the internet was enough to trigger a few "WTF?" reviews when it first appeared on Amazon in 2006, but soon the scoffing turned into glowing, open-hearted faux-positivity. The reviews have since taken on a literary bent, including renditions of Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven," Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" and Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken" revised for the most passionately ironic Tuscan Whole Milk devotee:
I shall be telling this with a nostalgic sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two milks available in a mart, and I--
I took the Tuscan Whole Milk (1 Gallon, 128 fl oz),
And that has made all the difference.
Now that the milk has broken the 1,000 review mark the best deal you'll get is $77.76, but should you feel obligated to pay your respects to it by paying more, there are individual sellers willing to accept up to $2,500. Surprisingly, there's not yet an option to purchase it used.

"Birth Control is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!!" by Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson

As batsh*t Religious Right author Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson's bio says -- and I'll spare you the unrelenting Caps Lock and crimes of punctuation, grammar and formatting with which she wrote it -- she's an Evangelist Christian speaker, Christian Holy Bible writer and teacher, founder of a mall cart that sells Christian books, producer of Christian cable TV programs...basically she's a total winner, and her book of backwardness and hysterical hyper-conservative noise strikes a perfect ironic chord with Amazon prank reviewers. The title of the review rated "Most Helpful" should give you the gist of it: "I'VE FOUND THE LIGHT WITH MY CAPS LOCK KEY." Gold.

Fresh Whole Rabbit

You'd think describing an animal as "fresh" and "whole" would make it pretty clear that it's 1) dead and 2) intended to be eaten, but some 78 reviewers have flocked to the Fresh Whole Rabbit item page to express their dismay that the headless carcass doesn't make a good pet. As one "wronged" reviewer wrote,
Our children were traumatized and Easter is not the same holiday that it used to be for us. On the upside, we don't have to fill their Easter baskets anymore as we told them the Easter bunny was killed by Amazon.
The ironic horror! But on the plus side, as another commenter wrote, "It was delicious with a tall, cold glass of Tuscan Milk, so I give it three stars."

Zubaz Pants

This was basically an open invitation for prank reviewers since there's no way anyone genuinely wanted to see these silly '80s Hammerpants reincarnated in 2010. Here we find ironic outpourings of worship ("If God himself had decided to put pants on Adam and Eve, there is no doubt he would have put a pair of these Zubaz pants on both of them") and words of caution ("DO NOT WEAR THESE WITH THE THREE WOLF MOON SHIRT!") that confirm what we already knew: these are indeed stupid pants. Good work, everyone.

JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank

If you thought the word "badonkadonk" was reserved for Missy Elliott, you'd better make way because here comes a $20,000 tank and 234 ironically satisfied customers. "Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting," said one reviewer, but this one "has plenty of room for groceries." A few tips to be gleaned from these reviews: Don't let the recession get in the way of your tank purchase, be careful not to get any grease on your Zubaz pants, and don't drink and drive The Donk.

Uranium Ore

You're all stocked up on textbooks and beach reads, but what's missing? Oh, right, uranium. As it turns out, it's perfectly legal to sell a small container of radioactive uranium online for educational and scientific use, but naturally the Amazon pranksters claim to have used it as toothpaste, in coffee, on toast and in time machines. One reviewer even tried to share with his child:
I was very disappointed to have my uranium confiscated at the airport. It was a gift for my son for his birthday. Also, I'm in prison now, so that's not good either.
Key takeaway here: Thirty bucks is a freaking steal for some uranium.