- 6.11.10 - 4:30PM
- - by
- Cole Stryker
Meet Insanely Unlikely South Carolina Senate Candidate Alvin Greene
You know how in movies, the bad guys find some borderline-retarded, Homer Simpson-like fall guy to do their dirty work? Think Hudsucker Proxy or The Man Who Knew Too Little. Someone says, "He's so stupid. He's perfect." or "It's so crazy, it just might work!"
In South Carolina, a guy called Alvin Greene ran for the Democratic Senate nomination and won, despite nobody having known who he is or where he came from. He seemingly did no fundraising, held no rallies and conducted no marketing. He's also collecting unemployment.
According to the Washington Post:
Wait, what? Obviously this guy is going to be a huge meme in the coming weeks and all video footage of him can't help but go viral.
"I'm the Democratic Party nominee," Greene says in the interview at his father's home on a lonely stretch of rural highway in central South Carolina. "The people have spoken. The people of South Carolina have spoken. The people of South Carolina have spoken. We have to be pro-South Carolina. The people of South Carolina have spoken. We have to be pro-South Carolina."
But, that's not all. Greene was also "involuntarily" honorably discharged from the army and was recently arrested and charged with a felony charge of obscenity before the election.
Speculation continues regarding how this guy, who owns neither a computer nor a cell phone, was able to win over 100,000 votes. So, of course a lot of folks assume that he's some kind of plant by the Republican Party, which seems insane, but it's the only explanation that makes any sense. South Carolina holds open primaries, so Republicans can vote for Democrats and vice versa. The idea is that Republicans voted for some unknown schlub so their guy would be able to easily defeat him.
Just some simple, old fashioned down-home campaigning. All across the state. Hard work. The guy can barely put words together and is running on no discernible platform. Are we living in some kind of post-apocalyptic banana republic?
Remember that IT guy who was mistakenly brought on air at the BBC in 2006 to talk about tech issues way out of his league? That's what this looks like.
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