- 4.30.10 - 11:00AM
- - by
- Nick Douglas
The Five Most Annoying Kinds of Internet Scolds
This week, the Times covered the "Twitter Patrol," users who point out other people's misspellings and grammar mistakes on Twitter, "whose constant yipping at their victims gives a bit of an edge to the free-for-all dialogue on the site."
One of these guys has sent over 130,000 automatic replies to people who twitter in all caps. He says he does it to teach people about etiquette.
The Twitter Patrol is the worst type of online vigilante -- except for the four other types listed here.
The Facebook Politico
He saw your opinion of the health care reform bill and it is wrong. He has this other, opposing belief, supported by an article he read somewhere that you really need to read now or else he can't be bothered to argue with you about a thing that in fact he has just started arguing with you about without being asked to.
Granted, you sort of asked for this crap when you shared your opinion of a political matter on Facebook, but the Facebook Politico made sure to go beyond polite discussion of opinions and tried to humiliate you on your own profile page. Because the internet is just another place to hold his tea party or let his freak flag fly and your social circle is his new flock to be preached at, whether they care or not.
The Internet White Knight
Guys, stop ragging on that poor girl who posted photos of her half-naked body! Internet White Knight is here and he wants to tell that girl that she really is cool and beautiful no matter what everyone else says. Now, girl, won't you proclaim that White Knight is your hero and thank him for saving you from the internet mob? White Knight needs acknowledgment and gratitude or else he'll rescind his kind statements and call you a c*cktease. Because Internet White Knight is just another sad manipulator, just one that fancies himself a more sensitive dude.
Oh, that animal doing that people thing? Seen it. The animated gif of things of every size from molecule to human to planet to galaxy? SO LAST YEAR. This kid belting out a Beyoncé hit is so ancient that Abraham Lincoln saw it and he was all "Old!"
The seen-it-all probably already read this on Boing Boing and she definitely already saw it on Digg. And because nobody should ever talk about anything that anyone else has ever ever possibly barely heard of, she is going to wipe your "news" in your face because you are so damn last season, you poor luddite slob. Did you ever see that episode of Ghostwriter where Julia Stiles was a hacker? The Seen-it-all is that. She's also seen that episode a million times so oh my god stop posting it on Reddit.
The Blogger Out of Nowhere
You're checking your Google alerts and heyyy, there's a mention of the blog post you wrote! Cool, someone had something to...say...about...your...oh. This is just some angry blogger who misunderstood your point and took one line out of context to make a totally different point. He also misspelled words you spelled correctly and someone in the comments mocked you for the typo.
You know how pointless it is to have any emotional reaction at all to this little mistake happening deep in the bowels of the web where no one outside of this guy's trailer park will ever see, but you rage. You rage so hard, you post about it back on your blog, taking him out of context and that is the circle of life. The cirrrrrrcle of liiiiiife, and it mooooves us allllll.
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