- 3.25.10 - 10:00AM
- - by
- Cole Stryker
A Guide to Foul Bachelor Frog, 4chan's Funniest Advice Dog Spinoff
Among the Advice Animal memes popularized by 4chan and Meme Generator, Bachelor Frog (aka Foul Bachelor Frog) occupies a unique "it's funny because it's true" space.
Whereas other advice animals (animal heads that give two-line directives), such as Advice Dog and Courage Wolf, emphasize over-the-top humor, Bachelor Frog relies on nuance familiar to anyone (especially dudes) who's ever lived alone. That naturally makes him the perfect internet mascot.
Bachelor Frog's first habit is losing track of the passage of time. When you haven't left your apartment in over a week and all your clocks are off, sometimes the best way to tell that it's time for dinner is that 'The Simpsons' is on. And if it isn't? Well, it's probably Saturday! Weekends aren't a big deal to Bachelor Frog, though. His whole life is the weekend!
See, Bachelor Frog doesn't ask for much out of life. His tolerance for monotony, discomfort and the barest of domestic situations is high. He's the kind of frog who will pull the blinds down on a beautiful sunny day to prevent glare on his computer screen. He is able to find enjoyment in the simpler things, like the race against time that occurs when he flushes the toilet before he's finished peeing, or building haute cuisine out of food purchased at a gas station. He's a minimalist, a freecycler, a visionary. Bachelor Frog doesn't just live like this out of necessity. He's practically an aesthete!
Bachelor Frog also seems to fall victim to the kind of crushing lethargy and self-loathing that befalls bachelors after weeks of joblessness. It's not just that Bachelor Frog is lazy, it's that he so prefers short-term comfort to long-term benefit. He'd rather brush off an old magazine for an impromptu plate than actually do the dishes. He's not big on hygiene, once declaring Axe bodyspray to be "a shower in a can." You might think that his net comfort level is lower this way, but that's just how Bachelor Frog likes it and who are you to judge?
One of Bachelor Frog's defining characteristics is his taste for experimental, dirt cheap cuisine. He loves to throw together what's lying around, whether it's a packet of Arby's sauce or the crumbly bits at the bottom of a box of croutons. Heck, he'll eat croutons straight out of the box if he's all out of chips.
Ultimately, we love Bachelor Frog because we are Bachelor Frog. Who among us hasn't blown his or her nose with printer paper now and again? Who hasn't sniffed the crotch of his or her pants to see if they're OK for another wear? Ye who haven't been shocked out of a marathon gaming session by the sound of your roommate's morning shower may cast the first stone.
Be warned: Not all Bachelor Frog memes are as safe for work as those we've culled for this post. Scatological jokes ("Someone didn't flush - Blast it with p*ss!" being a popular installment) and masturbation stories define the character as much as anything else. So be careful out there before you go wild with a Google image search.
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