- 2.17.10 - 12:30PM
- - by
- Will Zweigart
5 Easy Steps To Help Your Pet Go Viral
(via Sky News)
Ever wonder what it takes to get rich and famous with your very own pet cewebrity? Let's find out!
1. Find Your Pet's Special SkillThis is actually the easiest part -- just "catch them" doing a normal human thing. Maybe you have a toilet trained raccoon, or a parrot who's really into death metal. Perhaps your cats fancy boxing, or jumping into boxes. If these activities aren't happening naturally, simply conduct an intense training montage (should only take about four minutes) or team up with a random outdoor creature for interspecies shenanigans.
2. When In Doubt, Just Work ItDon't worry if you're still struggling to find that special "it" quality. As I've learned from Toddlers & Tiaras (I do not watch Toddlers & Tiaras), you can always overcompensate for lack of skills with a nice costume and a little extra spray tan. Refer to Pets Who Want To Kill Themselves (But Are Secretly Having So Much Fun!) for innovative ideas.
Katamari, the Brooklyn-based Scottish fold from OMGKitty!!!! pictured below, has been cruising on her looks for years (she's 2). Her owner/manager A.V. Phibes says, "Katamari knows how to work it. Even as a kitten she had a knack for making sweet, cuddly love to the camera. She has the poses down and knows just how to angle her head and widen her eyes for maximum effect. She mostly leverages this skill for treats and attention, but it has certainly paid off in terms of her interweb popularity."
3. Blast it everywhere!No wait, THIS is the easiest part. To make something viral just upload it to the Internets, take a nap, high-five yourself, and then watch the hits/success/money roll in. For an extra viral speed boost, e-mail it to your boss during work hours and fax a screen shot to your Grandma's Twitter account. And don't forget to tap your offline networks too -- for example, your cat is probably friends with your other cat, so make sure they're talking about the new video.
4. Don't Worry About Measuring ResultsNormally this is the point at which you'd need to start analyzing traffic trends and key engagement metrics, but pets already have an innate sense of when they've "gone mad viral." Look closely -- are they just basking in the sun in the middle of a weekday afternoon with a smarmy mug of undeserved self-satisfaction? That means they've probably been reblogged like a hundred times. If you see ears turning backwards suddenly and without warning, someone just rated their video less than five stars, etc. It's all there.
(via FU Penguin)
5. Keep Them in CheckOK -- here's the hard part -- you might start noticing someone's got a little extra swagger around the house. Remind them that they still poop outside. "As with anyone who peaks young and makes their living off their looks, there is the possibility of a future breakdown," Phibes says (while Katamari is out of earshot). "I won't give her more than her daily allotment of treats even if she makes the biggest, saddest, deweyest eyes outside of Japan...and I make her wear costumes for my amusement."
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