- 2.12.10 - 8:00AM
- - by
- Josh Roberts
TV Valentine's Day Cards for Your... Nuanced Relationships
Valentine's Day is upon us, and since the recent downturn in the economy has left diamonds, mink coats or even roses well out of reach of the masses, the Valentine's card is more important than ever. We're a new generation of lovers, different from our counterparts from simpler times. We need more latitude, less overt commitment, and more pop culture in our tokens of appreciation these days. Fortunately, as though expressly ordered, a litany of relevant and nuanced cards are available for the lackadaisical Romeo. No stamp required.
The Golden Girls'. Superficially, she's great if your significant other's dignified silvery locks are contrasted by insanely dark eyebrows. Emotionally, she represents the bittersweet geriatric outcome of years spent wryly deprecating friends and family. This card from Joey Devilla is just the thing if this is your kind of gal.
Lee Bretschneider's Jack and Kate Valentine's card is tops, and goes great with an extra-thorny rose.
Brandon Bird's Valentine's card can thaw a heart turned cold by exposure to eleven seasons of sexual deviance, exploitation, and crime. Apparently, the best move circumvents their unflinching, desensitized brain and goes straight for objectification and ego-stroking.
Jersey Shore' that just totally captures the essence of what it is to be human? Is it the blind, animalistic pursuit of masculine prowess, even if said pursuit means everlasting impotence and latent gender confusion? Or is it the blind, animalistic attraction to these men expressed by the Snookis who love them? Whatever the case, 'Jersey Shore' is laced with romantic encouragement: by the time these Roid-ragers are experiencing the negative side-effects of steroid use, they'll almost certainly have passed on their genetic code to another generation. That women exist to love these guys should give hope to lovers-in-waiting everywhere.
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