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Paula Abdul and Simon CowellI have an intense love for fan fiction, in the most unironic way possible. I was that kid buying up all those 'Star Trek' and 'Star Wars' continuation series as a child, and when 'Buffy' came out as a comic book, I bought that too.

And yet, just when I thought I had found every dark fan fiction corner of the Internet, I found the self-proclaimed "Saulas": people who pour their heart and soul into writing imaginary scenarios between Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell on American Idol. God bless them.


Do you know what a quick Google search on the word "Saula" reveals? Like a mystical creature from deep space, the phrase conjures up nearly endless webs of mysteries: ranging from Blingee graphics to videos of the 'American Idol' judges' relationship to full-out fictional recreations. It goes on forever. And it was hiding under our very nose, unlike those Na'vi fans whose forums are getting all the press these days.

Instead of mocking, I thought I'd join in. Before you judge, think, "What have I created today that brings people together and allows me to express my creative outlet towards something I genuinely care about?" Enjoy, Saula fans.

The Greatest Addiction

(Background: This scene takes place in 2008, where Paula mistakenly judges Jason Castro's second performance before the young singer actually performs. Paula is backstage, in her lavishly adorned dressing room, crying. Simon enters.)

Simon: (In typical snooty British voice) Paula...what. Was. That. That was simply god-awful. You just embarrassed yourself in front of millions of American viewers, and tomorrow the blogs will tear you to shreds. What were you thinking?

Paula: Oh god Simon...I can't keep up this charade any longer.

Simon: Your crippling addiction to pills and booze?

Paula: No, you dummy, us! Every time the camera pans over to the judges table, I can feel the entire country scrutinizing our body language, looking for signs to give away our forbidden love.

Simon: I don't know what you are talking about.

Paula: Drop the act Simon. Remember Vegas? Remember how our legs caressed and intertwined under the table while you were telling off all those young hopefuls? You can't have forgotten those passionate nights after the first seasons, when Ryan would come to us and together our union would make a holy trinity.

Simon: You are in need of some serious mental help. I honestly have no clue what or who you are referring to, but it isn't me.

Paula: AGHCZZ?? LOVEXXX.

Simon: I can't tell if you are now reading your Twitter feeds out loud or malfunctioning. Either way, you are fired...in two years.