We would do anything for our animals: pick up their poop, brush their hair, assign them human-like qualities and get emotionally attached the way we could never do towards another person. That's why cats were invented, you know. But there is an entire industry out there waiting to exploit your irrational love for an animal who honestly just sticks around because it depends on you for food and shelter. And those people (*achem* SKYMALL *achem*) have some really wacky ideas of products your pets want/need.

(Photo via Kitty Hell)

Poop Freeze: $14.99

Yup, that's an aerosol can to freeze your dog's poop. You know, to make it easier to pick up, because just having the stigma of carting around little plastic bags filled with turd wasn't humiliating enough: now it's a process.

The Bow Lingual: $225

Created by a Japanese super-genius who took voice blue-prints of over 5,000 dogs, compiled the data, and determined that there were six "states" of being for a pooch: happy, sad, frustrated, on-guard, assertive and needy. Now those of us already bordering the Summer of Sam reality where we think our dogs are really trying to tell us something can finally decipher what that Far Side comic has been trying to tell us for years. It also comes in blue! And there is a cat version as well!

The Poo Trap:
ranges from $29 for a terrier turd to $38 for a Great Dane dump

In case you feel like maybe your dog should feel like the idiot for once, walking around with a bag of poop stuck to their butt. That will show them. Wait, why do you own an animal again?

Hotdoll: approximately $800, American

It looks more like a Jeff Koons instillation project than a sex toy, but this oddly asexual art piece actually has a hole for your dog to hump into, which will at least keep him occupied when your neighbors' legs come around.

Neuticals: ranges from $69 for a small one to $149 for a good size pair

So your dog doesn't have to feel like any less of a man (or well, dog) after being neutered, these egg-shaped implants give your pooch the sensation that he still has his balls.