2 Comments

animals making noise
As a suburban teen, did you ever feel like a "caged animal" who was neglected and misunderstood? Well imagine how actual caged animals feel! Our pets are constantly trying (and failing) to communicate with us, and over time this disconnect can cause significant stress, frustration, and anxiety.

Here are three tips for helping your pets express themselves non-verbally through death metal:

1. Give them lots of space - Ever come home to find the living room a total disaster? Furniture has been chewed, pillows ripped apart, etc.? Popular belief holds that your pet was "lashing out" as a result of separation anxiety, but they were actually just "raging out" to a killer Cannibal Corpse song. Things got a little out of hand, deal with it.



2. Give 'em the heavy stuff - Pets are naturally horrible at singing (except for Schnauzers), so they won't even try "Tiny Dancer" out of respect for Elton John. But they love the raw, gutteral growls and grunts that death metal vocalists offer - and you can't understand the lyrics anyway, so they feel like they're "totally nailing the song."



3. Offer a wide variety of song selections - Make it clear that your pet has a say in what music is being played around the house, especially when you're not there. Heavy metal music has literally dozens of subgenres, so be sure to get an understanding of their unique preferences. Progressive prog or traditional grindcore? Melodic Scandinavian or post-punk screamo? It matters.



Remember that death metal is a perfectly normal, healthy outlet for your pets to express themselves and relieve stress - but if you leave for the day with only R. Kelly in your iTunes library, don't be surprised if they relieve themselves on your bed instead.