12.03.09 - 10:00AM
- by
Will Zweigart

The Ultimate Guide to Domestic Cat Boxing

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One rainy afternoon in 1894, Thomas Edison stumbled upon what would arguably be his greatest contribution to society -- cat boxing. He and his bro Professor Welton strapped up some stray tabbies with an early prototype of Kitten Mittons, and today the shenanigans still continue more than a century later. Here's a quick snapshot of how modern domestic cathletes train, engage in pre-fight rituals, and ensure the camera's rolling before showing off their southPaw.

Phase One: Pre-fight Training

We all know that training montages are the best way to prepare for epic physical challenges -- however, cats lack both access to the Rocky soundtrack and the opposable thumbs to play it. So instead they engage in light "batting practice" with mirrors, printers, errant shoelaces, etc.

Well-trained humans may set up a more advanced system like the one Tiesto has here.

More rigorous regimes also include lasers, the domestic cat's natural enemy. (Fun fact: laser pointers were actually created by cat boxing trainers in the 1980s and later re-purposed for executive presentations.)

Phase Two: "The Dance"

Once training is complete, cats will initiate a delicate pre-fight ritual (below) in order to signal impending confrontation and provide humans with ample time to locate their video cameras. This Urlesque-exclusive video celebrates the swishing tails, boomerang ears and fierce calm that brews before each furry storm.

Phase Three: The Main Event

The training is over, the dance has been done, and the human video equipment is in place* -- cats are now ready to rumble at a leisurely pace in the convenience of their own homes. There is no set number of rounds, but the time between each will be spent licking gloves and/or forgetting there was a fight in the first place. And who wins? We do, of course.