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maury povichMaury Povich is America's dirty uncle. The wrinkled old creep with skin the color of tangerine rind and a closet stockpiled with jet black turtlenecks loves his trash and he loves his money, which is why he continues to churn out episode after episode of a talk show whose content is so offensive and toxic, it's a wonder he hasn't yet been crowned King of the Awfuls.

We totally understand that The Maury Povich Show has unofficially taken the reins from Jerry Springer as America's guiltiest pleasure, thanks in part to its tossing of chicken tetrazzini, picklephobia, and paternity test result dances into the American cultural stratosphere. And yet, we refuse to watch, to give credence to such a poisonous tenant of the zeitgeist.

...Unless of course the clips show up on The Soup. In that case, count us in.

Considering we're on the internet all the live long day, we're more concerned with Twitter accounts, and -- whaddyaknow? -- Maury tweets! Good news is, you don't have to watch his show to know what's going on. His unintentionally hilarious updates are all we need to get our fill, thank you very much. These are the best, 4 REEL:












Icing on the Irony Cake:



I dunno, Maury, you tell us: