Still nursing that July 4th hangover? How about those 68 hot dogs you ate in 10 minutes? That wasn't you? Oh RIGHT, it was Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest winner Joey Chestnut, who stole the the championship from Takeru Kobayashi for the second year in a row, set a world record, and probably doesn't want to look at another hot dog for the next 364 days.

There's nothing more American than eating some of our country's most celebrated foods as quickly as you can without barfing, so I've gathered some of the best eating competition clips YouTube has to offer -- with tips and tricks to mastering your gag reflex while choking on some of our most beloved dishes. So sit back, grab a tall glass of water (for dipping), 300 pickles, and start chewing.

  • After watching this, you might not want to eat watermelon for a while... or maybe you'll discover a whole new way to devour your favorite fruit. Either way, the commentary track on this one is priceless, ie "This is a contest about jaw strength."

  • A bunch of amateurs take on the champ, Joey Chestnut, for a fried asparagus eating contest -- which was sponsored by your mother, who always encouraged you to shove greens into a deep fryer and then down your gullet.

  • In this pig skin (sponsored by Spike TV -- get it? Football?) eating contest, Tim "Eater X" Janus takes the gold -- and (I'm sure) a fine case of the runs to follow.

  • Now this is just cruel and unusual: Chock Full o'Nuts hosts a eating contest in which the professional gurgitators have to digest Date Nut Bread and Cream Cheese Sandwiches. The last thing I'd want to do when trying get OTHERS to eat Date Nut Bread and Cream Cheese Sandwiches is to show a bunch of people dipping them in water and nearly barfing while eating them. Advertising!

  • What could be more American than eating pumpkin pie? (OK, aside from eating lots of hot dogs and maybe apple pie.) Anyways, make sure you check out winner Eric "Badlands" Booker's eating advice which includes, " from the outside in, because the crust is the toughest part to eat." Watch out Aunt Fern, next Thanksgiving I have some serious dessert-time strategy.

  • Wow. I honestly can't think of anything I'd rather competitively eat less than a whole bunch of LOBSTER ROLLS. It's really only a "delicacy" until you reach roll #5...Japan's Takeru Kobayashi eats 41 in 10 minutes. Yum!

  • Finally: Crazi Legs Conti attempts the "Birthday Cake Challenge," which apparently involves eating a 5-pound cake in less than 11 minutes, 47 seconds. YouTube commenter louskum responds, "Marie Antoinette would be proud! Crazy Legs Conti, is an American Icon, a master gurgitator, a man with a purpous (sic). He´╗┐ wants his cake, and to eat it too."

A man with a purpose, indeed.