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Do we even have to warn you that this edition of Catablogging will be particularly Not Safe For Work (NSFW)? You've been to bachelorette parties. OK, that is, UNLESS you work in a blow-up doll factory or place where women congregate to celebrate their upcoming nuptials. (Add THAT to the list, Urlesque!)

Thanks to a tip from the lovely ladies of Jezebel, we were introduced to "the world's most private company," PriveCo's, Bachelorette.com. And trust me, you haven't seen the world of penis paraphernalia until you've perused their extensive line of bachelorette party goods.

We promised you NSFW laughs so get ready to want to get married? You just might. Proceed with caution...


  • When it's in your mouth, no one will know (it's a penis)! Although, if you're sucking on a pacifier you still might be a little suspect.




  • "A black inked 'balls' point pen!" Couldn't have come up with a better description myself.

(Penis Pens, $1.49)



  • Martini Weenie: sometimes you should just go for products which rhyme with synonyms for penis. Am I right, ladies?




  • Imagine if your dog got ahold of these. Awkward.




  • Anyone got a light? (FYI: If you want to learn the perfect penis lighter GAG, check out the product page.)

(Penis Lighter, $2.99)



  • "Each handle has a ribbed, wrinkly textured shaft leading to a plump smooth head." I couldn't have said it better myself. Eating is truly sinful.

(Penis Cutlery, $6.49)



  • For only $22.99 you can get your anger out on the male gender by taking a whack at this penis pinata! A commenter wrote in (obviously satisfied with the product), "We beat this dick like crazy."

(Penis Pinata, $22.99)



  • With all the incredibly lifelike penises available at Bachelorette.com, these balloons are pretty weak.




  • I don't know what to say about this except for noting that I'm glad there's diversity in the penis merchandising world.




  • The best part is: it's reusable, right? Could totally be reused for birthday parties, holding Halloween candy, or even at game night!





(Captain Pecker, $19.99)
  • And this, my friends, is so unbelievably disgusting and borderline pornographic that I would be fired if I try to describe to you what it is. Check out the name, pic and here's a hint: it's candy. Congratulations! You're getting married!