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Don "Moses" Lerman will proudly list off his accomplishments for anyone who will listen. As a veteran competitive eater, Lerman has racked up the following honors:


If the idea of being a renowned "butter-eating champ" makes you a little nauseous, Lerman will have you know that "Tiger Woods is the best golfer, and Michael Jordan is the best basketball player. [Lerman] can't do what they do, but they can't do what [he does]."

Seriously, do you think Michael Jordan prepares for a playoff by eating eight - EIGHT! - plates of food at a Chinese buffet? Probably not. On the other hand, does Tiger Woods appear at games dressed like a tiger, in the same way Lerman often arrives dressed like Moses? Only in our dreams.

This is serious stuff, especially to Don, his family, and his bulldog, at least according to this video, which is somehow not from The Daily Show.


Although now retired, Lerman will live forever online. And on his sparse YouTube page, where he posted a video in which he attempts to sell his teeth post-dental surgery (bids start at $500). Hide the kids for this one - it's beyond terrifying.