- 9.23.08 - 12:00PM
- - by
- Eliot Glazer
Susan Powter Needs to Take Her Own Advice
Remember that crazybird infomercial queen with the giant clothing, grand gestures, peroxide buzz cut and booming baritone? The one whose catchphrase -- "Stop the insanity!" -- caught on like wildfire among the American public? The one who became a radical feminist lesbian?
This might help:
Yes, diet guru Susan Powter -- that's the one.
Well, the gelled spike 'do may have grown into -- what else? -- dreadlocks, but the heavy eye make-up, bizarre clothing and increasingly fake British accent has sustained the years since her mercurial moment in the infomerical spotlight (and she's swimming in tattoos and a boatload of jangly jewelry, to boot).
But best of all is that she's acquired knowledge of how to use the Internet, which has yielded a virtual warehouse of nonsensical video blogs (or "blog-a-logs," as she...jokes?) in which, for example, Susan goes to town on an organic jasmine popsicle, advertising it as if it were the cure for cancer:
We get it, Susan. You like the popsicle. Now quit adjusting your fancy lady hat and move on! (No? You're gonna keep talkin' about that hat?)
Although Rosie O'Donnell doesn't appear in her blogroll (although Roseanne Barr is present and accounted for), Susan seems to have taken a cue from the former Queen of Nice. Reinventing yourself online -- at least according to Rosie -- is all about vague haikus, as seen in the responses she gives in the "Ask Susan" section of her site:
And if that wasn't baffling enough, witness the journey Susan takes as she barely avoids a nip slip amid the senseless, incoherent rambling sputtered during a "lifestyle bath"...
Did you get any of that? 'Cuz we sure didn't. There wasn't a single completed sentence in there, right? Or was she just doing a dead-on impression of Nicolas Fehn?
Susan Powter may have "stopped the insanity" for her followers, but it seems their loss was her gain.
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