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2. Andrew Christian - "I was actually inspired to create flashback technology while at the gym. Seeing how hard men work on exercising their buttocks, I just knew that there had to be an easier way to achieve similar results by simply wearing underwear."

Product: Invented Flashback Butt Lifting Technology, which somehow flashes your butt back to a time when it was bubblier.
Purchase If: You can stomach "fashion god" Andrew Christian's ego inflated ass and "movie star good looks."
Pass On: In favor of the abtastic Andrew Christian jigsaw puzzles! Andy's right. Don't waste time building your butt at the gym. Log onto his website and build somebody else's.


 3. International Male - Their "merchandise ... is designed to suit you whether your look is straight-laced and buttoned-down or exciting and eclectic." Wait ... so they actually sell stuff? I thought International Male was just a front for the worldwide conspiracy created to entice the young men of America into a life of gut shaping mirdles and bulge worship.
Product: "Getting a tummy tuck has never been easier!" Who cares what that leotard at the left does for my beer pooch. Will it make my penis look bigger?
Purchase If: It makes my boobs look as perky as his.
Pass On: Because I have to focus. Forget about your pectorals, Jake -- gosh! Buy a Guaze Caftan!

4. Ballbra - "Wearing the Ballbra will give you extra sex appeal towards your partner with fabulous lift and support, not imaginable before." Tucking your balls up in a sling that makes 'em look broke while leaving your now castrated penis flapping out in the open IS unimaginably sexy.

Product: "The Ballbra section will enhance erection by letting the penis have freedom of movement while harnessing the balls which will produce [explosions]. The fun does not stop there ..." Wait, when did the fun start?
Purchase If: You want your crotch to look like Lambchop.