The New York Times recently put out a little exposé on the dangers of blogging. At first glance, this story might seem like a bit of pointless fear-mongering. With the promises of heart attacks and death leaping at your eyes, you may have overlooked this little nugget:

...there is no official diagnosis of death by blogging, and the premature demise of two people obviously does not qualify as an epidemic.

While the staff at NYT get worked up over an undiagnosed non-epidemic, we at Urlesque are growing more concerned by the day about a spate of blogging-related disorders* that have swept the web like Mad-Asian-Bird Flu-SARS.

With your health in mind, dear reader, we would like to shed light on 5 of the most concerning disorders that you may already have:
5. Efronitis
Symptoms - Shortness of breath, swooning, being transfixed by those beautiful blue eyes that pull you right in because he just seems so sweet and he's...whoa. Okay, symptoms also include message board searching to defend Zac wherever his name is besmirched by trifling, jealous bitchezzz.
Treatment - Listening to both High School Musical soundtracks on an Abu-Gharib-Style loop.

4. Unexplained Perezlysis
Symptoms - Weight gain, wildly shifting hair color, celebrity-induced salivation, an inability to move unless the party is totally worth it. Hating on trifling, jealous bitchezzz.
Treatment - Anti-celebreality meds.




3. The Lil Weezies
Symptoms - A disorder that attacks the nervous system, resulting in dry mouth, feelings of disorientation, euphoria, slurred, disordered speech, vertigo, an insatiable appetite for rappers and beats.
Treatment - No homo.


2. Grand Theft Autoimmune Disorder
Symptoms - When the body's immune system turns against itself causing disease, weakness, upset stomach, chauvinism, fever and swearing.
Treatment - You simply have to buy GTA IV. Your insides are turning against you in overwhelming desire for the newest in GTA. Things won't be peaceable until you drag a guy out of a car and run him over in HD.

1. The OMGs
Symptoms - Crippling, joy-sapping sarcasm that infiltrates all other areas of your life causing fatigue, eye-rolling and projectile barfed irony. Leads to impotence if left untreated.
Treatment - A vacation to the most earnest, blog resistant place on earth: Amish Town.
photo:// Lasse Havelund

BONUS Honorable Mention: The Chocolate Rains

*Disclaimer: We ain't doctors, but boy do we feel the ramifications of Efronitis daily.