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So you've got way too much respect for women and way too little cash to even think about ordering your bride off the Internets. But don't worry. I've done enough thinking for the both of us.

Yeah, I got respect for broads. Yeah, I'm penniless. So yeah, euphoric marital bliss as can only be purchased off the Internets will allude me for a while yet. But not a day goes by that I don't pit one mail-order bride against another in a really, very inoffensive BATTLE OF THE BABES, tournament of the heart.

In one corner [above], we have #1255 Svetlana available now for euphoric marital bliss at Absolute Russian Girls.com.

In the other corner [below], we have #375 Nok available now for euphoric marital bliss at New-Thai-Wife.com.

"Dear friend!" Writes Svetlana, #1255. "If you think, that I do not correspond to an image of your half, but you have noble heart, have compassion in soul if you have opportunity to help my son - respond (at him the ... rough bulbar frustration and the expressed static-dynamic infringements (the expressed infringements of function of walking and coordination)). "

"Although I don't talk much," counters Nok, #375. "People tell me I have a pleasant personality and a nice smile, so I hope they are right!"

They sure are, Nok. You're a doll. My chances for euphoric marital bliss as purchased off the Internets seem slightly more terrific with you than with Svetlana. We'll blame the rough bulbar frustration.

BATTLE OF THE BABES is unmerciful. Internet brides are lovely.